The Lonely Art

I have come to realise that being single is a bit of a skill or art, wouldn’t you agree? I was thinking about all my friends who are married or in relationships. And I realised that most of them have been in a relationship since like 18 or 19. They may not be married to the person they were dating at 19, but there are a number of them that just move from one relationship to the other with little or no gaps in between. The few weeks or months they are part of singledom, I remember being by their side with a few packs of tissues. Then they go into the phase where they proclaim that being single is awesome and about 5 minutes later, they tell me they met someone. Following which they semi disappear from the face of the planet. Basically what I am saying is that there are some people who can’t handle not being in a relationship. They seem very afraid of being single for some reason, yet have no problem telling me, you don’t know how lucky you are to be single with no commitment. I guess the point I am trying to make is that not everyone is equipped to be single let alone chronically single. Living life alone is challenging but it is a skill that only some people have. Sure I can’t put this on my resume, but it makes me feel a bit better about myself. While ideally I would like to meet someone and the works, I know that if anything I can handle being by myself, no matter how lonely it might feel. And let’s face it, being alone at the end of the day is not that bad is it?

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Anita, is your average socially awkward introvert chronicling her life. She doesn’t claim to be an expert on anything except maybe life’s ironies, experience with murphy’s law, being lost in your thoughts and to some degree sarcasm.

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2 thoughts on “The Lonely Art

  1. Hi, Anita,
    I reached your blog via Psychology Today. I agree that being successfully single is a skill or a set of skills. I was single for 13 or 14 years after being married for 25 years. After a couple of years of fearing I would be single forever, I accepted it and began to look at all the good points and opportunities of being single. I began to do yard work and garden, got a new job, got a masters degree, traveled a little, read what I wanted to, ate and slept when I wanted to. I enjoyed the freedom of being single.
    Most of my friends were married, and as they became increasingly busy with their grown-up children and grandchildren, I began to get a little bored with myself. I also began to feel as if I needed some male perspective in my life. Through a dating web site, I met a man whom I’ve been “dating” for about 4.5 years. Now he’s bought a house and wants me to move in with him. I’m finding I hate to give up the life I’ve built on my own.
    Living alone is challenging, but being in a relationship is equally challenging in a different set of ways. Perhaps there would be fewer breakups and divorces if more people realized that.

  2. That’s interesting. Don’t think I’ve ever seen it as a skill! Perhaps it just comes naturally to me. I’ve been in long-term relationships but I’m really surprised when people say to me after leaving one of those – are you going to start dating again now? After I’ve been in a long-term relationship, I crave time by myself. I can’t imagine anything more exhausting than being in and out of relationships all the time. My last relationship was four years long and initially I think I saw myself being single for about a year to have some time alone, but a year has come and gone and I don’t feel like I’ve had enough time yet. I’m kind of hoping it will be a while before I meet someone.
    I guess that’s the other thing – I don’t really understand how those people you’re referring to just ‘meet someone’ so quickly! It’s so rare for me to meet anyone I would consider being in a relationship with, and I find that I become more selective after each relationship, having learned about the things I do and do not like in a partner. I must admit that when the opportunity to be with someone who appears to meet my criteria presents itself I do jump at it, but that’s got more to do with not having met anyone for a long time. It leaves me a bit vulnerable because to me dating is ‘an event’ – something I do every few years – not a run-of-the-mill routine thing, as there are so few people I would date.

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